Bondage For Beginners

If you have come to read this article, then you likely have some interest in experimenting with sexual bondage.  If you are completely new to the idea of bondage, I would suggest you read the first article which discusses terminology and abstract concepts related to bondage.  If you prefer to jump right in here, there will still be some basic information provided.  Bondage in and of itself connotes any type of physical or mental restraining. In a sexual context, it refers to the consensual restraining of one’s partner via some sort of restraint (ropes, ties, ribbons, handcuffs etc.), that provides sexual gratification for one or both partners. Bondage_For_Beginners It is important to note that sexual bondage always contains the element of consent and an ability to say “no.”  So before you jump right in to tying your lover up in any major way, please make sure you are both on board with the idea.

Bondage play is not really something that you jump right into full force as there are many different levels of bondage.  This article will address some basic concepts and ideas and get you on your way to experimenting with bondage.

Why sexual bondage?  Well, for many couples who enjoy sexual bondage the idea of having your partner unable to move or stop you from pleasuring him/her is a huge turn on.  Having their body available for you to play with in various states of restraint is very appealing.  For the person who is being restrained, being “helpless” to stop their partner and being “used” for sexual pleasure or being pleasured while being restrained is immensely pleasurable.  There is an element of fear and excitement, not knowing what is going to come next.  Many couples find both sides of the coin (tie-er and tie-ee) to be exciting and sexually erotic.

TRUST IS A MUST   The very first principle of bondage play is that trust is absolutely essential!  You would never want to try bondage experiences with someone whom you don’t know well as the person being restrained may likely have fear that something bad is going to befall them.  No, bondage play is for couples who trust each other and have some idea of what things turn them on, how far they can be pushed, and have an unspoken understanding of sexual practices and such.  If you do not trust your partner yet then do not let him or her restrain you.  Keep in mind that one of the highlights of being restrained is that the person being tied is unable to resist, so if you are not sure that you want to be used in this manner, then do not consent.

TALK BEFORE YOU TIE – Before a first time bondage experience you MUST talk to your partner.  Ask him / her how he/she feels about being restrained. Discuss what sexual activities they would be willing to engage in while restrained (kissing, oral sex, intercourse) and which they are not.  Come up with a safeword (this is a word that is agreed upon that if said STOPS all play immediately).  If you have a firm understanding of what your partner likes and doesn’t, then you can begin to experiment.  Don’t be surprised if the person being restrained wants to keep it simple.  It takes a leap of faith to explore sexual bondage.

AVOID ALCOHOL – While it may seem like taking the edge off may be a good idea, especially for the person being restrained, alcohol can definitely impair judgment for both of you.  You do not want to be in a situation where you are intoxicated and restrained and begin vomiting.  Nor do you want to be intoxicated and trying to tie someone down.  The possibilities for injury or damage are way too possible for you to be intoxicated or in any other way impaired.

TINY TIES – While there are a lot of different restraint systems, ropes, tapes and cuffs available for the ever growing bondage market, when you are a beginner the best thing is to GO SLOWLY.  You want to see how the experience effects both of you, so you do not want to spend a lot of time (and money) on complex restraint systems.  If you like bondage then you can move up to more involved restraints.  For the first times pick something soft and easy to use such as a silk necktie, a pair of stockings or a scarf.  Any of these items will get the job done and allow the restraint without the pressure of something that has shackles or locks on it.

KISS (Keep It Super Simple) – First timers need to keep it simple.  No TIGHT knots, no complete tie downs (meaning all limbs are tied – ankles, wrists, etc), NOTHING around the neck.  Keep it simple to give your partner a taste of sexual bondage.  Suggestions for first time play are: tying hands above head and to the headboard; tying hands behind back; ankles tied spread eagle but hands left untied.  Just give your partner a taste of what it is like to lose control – and to experience what it is like to be IN control.  As your bondage experience grows, you can try out more complex and thorough restraining.  While your partner is restrained experiment with your agreed upon activities.  Enjoy the power position if you are the one who did the restraining.  If you are the one being restrained, enjoy the sensations and the new feelings of being taken by your lover in this way.  Both of you should be having different experiences and taking note of how they make you FEEL.

KINKY KUES – This is very important for the person doing the restraining: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARTNER!  You do not want to do anything to him or her that is unpleasing or makes them uncomfortable.  The goal of sexual bondage is pleasure and if there is fear, pain, panic or any other negative emotion – STOP!  If it seems that your partner is uncomfortable ask him/her if they are OK.  There is a slight element of fear for first timers, so this does not always mean you need to stop all play.  However, if there is too much fear, slowing down or releasing the restraints is probably a good idea.  Similarly, if you as the restrainer are not enjoying the power position, think about why that is?  Perhaps bondage play is not for you.

IMPORTANCE OF AFTERPLAY – After bondage play there is a very important step that must be done and it is referred to as “afterplay.”  This is the time to hold, cuddle, kiss and caress your partner (the one being restrained).  To assure him/her that you are concerned for his / her state of mind.  Afterplay is important to maintaining trust and support, especially if you are going to experience further bondage experiences.

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